A teenager recent asked me whether or not I thought one’s spouse was preordained. “Is there a specific person who is God’s pre-ordained, one-and-only plan for my life?”
The issue is, of course, a subtopic of the larger question about how one discovers God’s will for one’s life. Let’s approach it from two angles: 1) the practical, Christian walk/experiential angle and 2) the systematic theology angle. The two differ. Systematic theology is not the Bible and, as such, not the Spirit’s primary tool for convicting, leading and teaching His people. In fact, systematic theology can confuse as easily as it can clarify. Let’s look at the Christian-life perspective first.
To get the right answer to the question of knowing and doing God’s will you’ve first got to ask right question—and I don’t think “what is God’s will for my life with respect to this or that” is necessarily the right question! Although it sounds pious, it is, ultimately a presumptuous and, as such, a selfish question. It presumes that God has some kind of special personal blueprint for each of us which we must discover and which then becomes the key to our happiness and success. There is no such thing as a special plan, a special blueprint for you.
God has one master plan for all of His creation which He is working out, and He invites us to be used by Him in that process. That being so, we should frame the question in more general terms, such as “I know that God is at work in this world all around me all the time. What is He doing, and what adjustments do I need to make to fall in line with what He is doing?” That question shifts the focus from mythical “personal plans” to the work God is actually engaged in.
Of course God has specific purposes for His children, but these are nothing more or less than having them join Him in what He is actually doing in the world at any given time. So, I repeat, knowing his will is not about having Him reveal private little plans, but our making the necessary ongoing adjustments to our lives so that it falls in line with His overarching purpose which, the Scriptures teach, is to reconcile His own to Himself.
Although God does lead His people specifically, He does not generally reveal the details of His plan up front (Exhibit “A”: Abraham). Instead, He asks His people to make wise life-choices every day that nurture their love-relationship with Him and that are mindful of His overarching goal and desire.
The daily choices we make cause us to become more like (or unlike!) His Son, and that determines how our wills line up with His. As we readjust our lives to what God is doing on an ongoing basis, as we make wise choices based on the Spirit’s guidance as revealed to us through His Word and through fellowship with godly men and women, we begin to see the pattern of God’s will for our lives unfolding.
(Note, incidentally, the absence in the above paragraph about “guidance through life circumstances”. Of course God providentially uses circumstances. However, God also wants to use His people to change circumstances! They, in and of themselves, should not dictate our lives’ pattern.)
So how does all this relate to the question, “is there a specific person who is God’s pre-ordained, one-and-only plan for my life?” Wrong question! There are any number of fine women out there who love Christ and His people and who actively seek to adjust their lives on an ongoing basis to what God is doing in and around them with whom I could have fallen in love. As it was, I chose to fall in love with just such a woman. I eventually committed myself to her to the exclusion of all others. Her name was Anna Hamill Kennedy!
For you singles this means you should pray for the wisdom and discernment to recognize potential life partners whose life-walk is in tune with (and constantly retuned!) to what God is actually doing. Conversely, you need to be able to discern when fine-looking and fine-sounding people are NOT in tune with the Lord so that you can turn away from them!
When, in the fullness of time, you meet someone whose primary concern is to constantly readjust their lives to align it with God’s overall purpose, and you fall in love with that person, and ask him/her to marry you, the dynamic changes: you then make a life-covenant in which you bind yourself to that individual no matter what happens. God’s will at that stage is clear: be faithful and stay married. You make it work. The relationship then becomes a reflection of God’s covenant to his bride, the church.
Now for a look at all of this from a systematic theology perspective.
First of all, I don’t think simply placing the issue on the Free Will versus Predestination axis is helpful. Those two categories are too simplistic or, better said, too mutually exclusive. It is more helpful to study the question within the framework of the doctrine of God’s providence and, more specifically, the doctrine of concurrence. The doctrine of God’s providence teaches, essentially, that God is always involved in keeping, maintaining and directing every aspect of His creation to fulfill His purpose. A sub-teaching of divine providence called concurrence teaches that God cooperates with His creation in the realization of that purpose. This means, in effect, that most events (real miracles excluded) have a double causality: they are fully caused by God and have fully natural causes as well.
Concurrence is true with respect to natural phenomena and international affairs, as well as with respect to the individual choices people make. In other words, God may be the primary cause behind everything, but secondary causes, including human decisions, make a real difference. The Bible teaches that you are responsible for your actions! To phrase is another way, God created us with a specific property or characteristic, notably that the choices we make really matter! The Bible doesn’t explain the relationship between this double causality—it just teaches that God created a real world with real people with an ability to make real choices which really matter!
That brings us back to point 1, the practical, Christian walk/experiential angle with its fundamental question: “what is God doing around me today and what should I do fall in line with that?” Discover that, keep making the necessary adjustments, and watch your life unfold! One day you’ll meet a lovely person—maybe several—who think and act that way too. You then have to make a choice—and if you decide to choose one of those people you are to remain devoted in love to your choice till death parts you for a season.
Note: For those of you who haven’t already discovered it, “Experiencing God” by Henry Blackaby and Claude King is a great guide to discovering and walking in God’s will.